


Fatora Saga

by KB9VCN



Category: El Hazard: The Magnificent World
Genre: F/F, Humor, One Shot, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-03-31
Updated: 2002-03-31
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Written March 2002; humor/parody; about 1200 words.
See also Excel Saga.
You don't have to know Excel Saga to read this, but it helps... a little.
This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor.  Reader discretion is advised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written March 2002; humor/parody; about 1200 words.
> 
> See also [_Excel Saga_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excel_Saga).
> 
> You don't have to know _Excel Saga_ to read this, but it helps... a little.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

When Fatora had asked permission to use one of the underground storage rooms beneath the Floristica palace, Rune Venus had been more than happy to give it. _Fatora and Alielle can play their strange little games down there, out of everyone's way,_ Rune thought.

Rune was surprised that Fatora had so much work done on her playroom. Rune visited it when the work was done, and the room was actually quite elegant. Fine curtains draped the walls. A beautiful crystal chandelier hung over a copy of Rune's throne (isn't that cute, Rune thought). And the floor was covered with polished panels that felt strangely hollow under her feet.

Rune didn't mind the expense of the remodeling at all. It was nothing compared to the last time Shayla had visited the palace. Fatora and Alielle had teased Shayla until she snapped. Again. They were still rebuilding that wing of the palace— with fire-resistant materials, this time.

Little did Rune know of Fatora and Alielle's secret society...

—

"Hail Il-Fatora-sama!!"

The curtains behind the throne parted, and Fatora ceremoniously entered. Alielle stood in the middle of the room, saluting her in a most politically incorrect manner.

Fatora sat upon her throne, squirming under the heavy cape and shoulder-pads she wore as she sat back. "This costume weighs a ton," she grumbled.

Then she pulled a tiny pair of yellow-tinted glasses from her nose. "Can't see a damn thing through these," she said as she tossed them over her shoulder.

Fatora looked out across the large room, to where Alielle stood. Or rather, to where Alielle had stood. Unable to contain herself any longer, Alielle was dancing and cheering wildly. "Fa-to-rah! Fa-to-rah! Oh yeah! Who da girl? You da girl! Hit me baby one more time!..."

Fatora cleared her throat. Then she cleared it again, louder. "Fer cryin' out loud!" she finally yelled. "Wouldja put a lid on it? I'm gettin' whiplash just watchin' ya here!

"That's better. Now then..." She cleared her throat once more. Majestic background music mysteriously began to play.

"The world... eh?" The background music skipped and stopped.

Fatora pointed to Alielle's left. "Uh, Alielle... what's wrong with my other minion?" Alielle turned to look.

Ifurita lay on her side on the floor. Her open eyes had rolled back in her head. A trickle of motor oil bled from the corner of her mouth.

Alielle leaned over Ifurita, and poked her with a stick. "Oh... she's dead. Makoto must have forgot to wind her up again."

"Well, she's no fun." Fatora pulled at a tasseled rope that hung from the ceiling.

The floor panel under Ifurita hinged down. Ifurita's lifeless body plummeted into a deep pit below her. Two or three clangs echoed up from the pit as she bounced off the sides, followed by an unpleasant smashing-of-metal sound as she hit the bottom.

A wide-eyed Alielle put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, THAT can't be good..."

But Fatora showed no concern. She cleared her throat yet again. The majestic background music resumed.

"The world... Alielle, are you listening?" The music stopped again.

Alielle scrabbled at something in a dark corner of the room. "Forgive me, Il-Fatora-sama... but I have discovered a spy!"

"Whaaat!?" Fatora shouted. "Bring the spy before me!"

"'Kay. Here ya go." Alielle held Ura up in her arms.

"Ha ha! Silly Fatora- _nyo_!" the cat said.

Fatora did not share Ura's amusement. "Let me show you what our secret society does with spies!" She reached down behind her throne, pulled out a set of signs, and held them up, one by one.

[ CAT ]

[ -> ANIMAL ]

[ -> FOOD ]

Ura hissed, flailed its legs, jumped from Alielle's arms and streaked out of the room.

Alielle whined. "Oh, poor Ura! Fatora, be nice to the kitty! An' besides that, I almost got clawed!"

"Oh, right. Sorry." Fatora sighed.

Foolishly, she decided to try again. "A-HEM!" Cue majestic background music.

"The WORLD... Sweet mother of pearl! What now!?" The music gave up for awhile and stepped out for coffee.

Alielle meekly approached the throne, and shyly whispered in Fatora's ear.

Fatora rubbed her temples. "Didn't I tell you to do that before the secret society meetings start? Alright, go ahead."

Alielle gratefully trotted to a small room in the back, closing its door behind her. * _patter patter patter ka-click_ *

In the suddenly silent room, Fatora held her head and drummed her fingers on the arm of her throne.

* _flush_ *

* _ka-click patter patter patter_ * "Hail Il-Fatora-sama!!"

Fatora tensed. She looked from side to side. Then she spoke. "TheWorldInWhichWeLiveTheWorldThat—" Then she stopped.

She smiled when she realized that she'd got farther this time. "Oh... OK!" The majestic background music flourished.

"The world in which we live!... the world that many still call magnificent!... is but a mere shadow, a shoddy imitation, a pathetic third-generation bootleg copy of what it could be!"

"Hurray!" Alielle shouted. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds really cool!"

"Bereft of purpose, it drifts through the void! Its sad, sorry little peoples cry out for guidance! It... aw hell, it sucks!"

"Oh yeah! Big time!" Alielle agreed enthusiastically.

"And what is wrong with the world? What keeps us from attaining greater glory? What is the source of the suckage? MEN, that's what! Big hairy smelly men!!"

"Big hairy smelly men! Woo hoo!" Alielle cheered.

"In a world ruled by Fatora, there will be no place for men!! We'll take their glass ceilings, their old-boy networks, their _onsen_ episodes, and stick 'em up their... Hey! Pay attention when I'm spouting militant-feminist rhetoric! You think this stuff writes itself!?"

But Alielle was lost in her Happy Place, where she idolized and completely ignored Fatora, all at the same time. She had begun dancing to an imaginary conga beat. "All-hail-Queen-Fa-to-RAH! All-hail-Queen-Fa-to-RAH!..."

Fatora hung her head, and then reached out and pulled at the rope again. The floor panel under Alielle gave way. "All-hail-Queen-Fa-to— YAH-HOO-HOO-HOOOOOOOOO!"

Fatora was often thoughtless with her little playmate, but she was never intentionally cruel. The pit that opened beneath Alielle was much more shallow than the one that held Ifurita's unfortunate remains. And at its bottom was a nice thick soft deep warm layer of mud.

Fatora watched the floor panel sway as a big * _glorp_ * sound came from the pit, followed by Alielle's laughter as she wallowed in the mud.

Then Alielle called to Fatora from the pit. "Hey, Fatora! Bet you can't pin me in one three-minute round!"

Fatora bolted from her throne. "It's your funeral, kid!!"

She tore her heavy cape away to reveal the black zero-piece swimsuit that she'd worn at Arliman, and then she dived head-first into the mud pit.

The world... would have to wait.

—

Makoto was roused from sleep by the pounding at his door. He stumbled to the door, still half-asleep. " _chotto matte kudasai_..." he groaned.

He opened the door, but saw no one standing outside it.

Then Makoto looked down, and saw a box full of Ifurita parts.

He assumed the pose of an Edvard Munch painting and screamed. "NOOOOOOOOO!!"


End file.
